Dolly's blog: Role Models

I inadvertently re-read my 2015 appraisal the other day - the last in my old role. God I was miserable. I'm so happy in my new job that I'd almost forgotten quite how unhappy I'd become in my old one, but it leapt off the page. 
 
For anyone out there who's starting 2017 under a dark cloud of despair, my first new year message is don't give up.  If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, stay brave and seize the initiative, a really amazing Plan B might just present itself.  At the risk of sounding like Shelley Von Strunckel (surely the greatest astrologer of them all!) salvation may come from an unexpected direction, so keep an open mind and explore all your options - even the seemingly unlikely ones.  Things come of things. 
 
My second new year message is a revelation about role models. 
 
Call it a lack of imagination but with varying degrees of awareness I've spent a long time looking for someone in whose footsteps I could aspire to follow.  An inspirational road map in human form who was living proof that my goals were indeed achievable. But I never found anyone I exactly wanted to emulate and that really bugged me.    
 
Don't get me wrong - I work with some truly awe-inspiring individuals.   But my role model needed to be in a similar'ish boat; a craft that was looking increasingly likely to capsize under the pressure of combining partnership in a challenging practice area with 3 young children I wanted to spend time with, a husband who spends much of his life in war zones, a stupidly long commute and not enough money for a nanny.  It was that role model or nothing!  And if that person didn't exist then maybe that proved I should stop trying to achieve the seemingly impossible, stick two fingers up to law and open a loss-making coffee shop. 

Looking beyond my firm didn't give me much comfort either.  There are numerous high profile superwomen to whom I doff my hat in admiration.  But do I actually want to be them?  No thanks.  I find that sort of role model more alienating than inspiring.  I didn't want to be a superhero; I just wanted to be happy.  
 
The inner voices of doom got significantly quieter when I switched jobs and jumped off the partnership track, but it wasn't until I recently attended the Judge Business School leadership programme for women in law (which I can't recommend highly enough) that I realised there's a completely different way of looking at the role model issue:  it turns out you don't need just one.  
 
Apparently men typically don't waste time looking for "the one" but simply identify different qualities in different people and blend those together to form something which resonates.  Who knew!   
 
Some of you may be groaning at the blinding obviousness of that (probably all the men) but it really hadn't dawned on me and I'd have been happier earlier if it had. I've never subscribed to the Disney Princess one soul mate in the entire universe theory of romance so why on earth would work be any different.  
 
So I'm doing my own thing, adopting a pick'n mix approach to role models and for the first time I can actually say I'm entirely comfortable with that.  
 
My third new year message is utterly unrelated but still makes me laugh so I thought I'd share.  It comes courtesy of my 2 year old niece, who explained solemnly over Christmas that the three wise men actually brought gifts of gold, myrrh and armbands.  
Happy New Year everyone.

After 19 years of fee earning, Dolly now works in a management role in a London law firm.  Working four days a week she has three children aged 5 to 9, a wonderful (though often absent) husband and a charismatic dog who keeps her sane.