Rosies blog: Transformations

The maintenance of the resolutions made on December 31^st can at this time start to seem tough. Giving up alcohol, adopting a new exercise regime or changing the way we eat can all seem important immediately after the excesses of the Christmas period. Three weeks later and maybe the benefits are not as magnificent as we imagined, the results not quite as obvious as we wished. But the change that we started is beneficial. It may be taking willpower now, but to permit the new behaviour to become the norm – just a week or so more – could see a change in lifestyle that pays dividends on a long term and sustainable basis. For my part, my changes have in part come from an awareness that my youngest son had become increasingly concerned about me or my whereabouts, whether at work or him being away from me, it seemed he would be missing me. What had prompted this is hard to know, suffice to say that seeing one’s child anxious is never pleasing, particularly when I benefit from a pretty sensible balance between home and work (or so I like to think).

Looking for motivation or inspiration can come from unusual places. My nine year-old himself has given a masterclass in the benefit of emotional engagement in his endeavours recently. I am guilty of having put him in the category of “the youngest” therefore not as capable as his older brother, nor as emotionally aware. But recently I have seen a side to him that has proved my assumptions wrong. He is thinking about the good reasons for taking actions before taking them and using that knowledge to recommit to those actions because they bring positive results (but he probably wouldn’t put it like that!) Not only has he shown empathy and understanding, but also has shown maturity (albeit over the issue of my failure to empty pockets of school uniform and washing his Pokemon cards).  This combination of budding maturity and the youthful emotional energy that he invests in his daily life; taking one day (or even one hour) at a time and looking for positives, generally means that he enjoys a high measure of satisfaction and success, on his own terms.

So one day at a time, my youngest puts his heart and soul into his daily regime. Every minute spent achieving the levels he aspires to (as simple as being a good friend, knowing his times tables, getting his spellings right, or nearly right) is a success. The occasional blip is taken for granted. There are bad times, of course. He is still troubled when I am not there. Teaching us to deal with his concerns and find ways to make the separation easier for him are important to me; knowing that he is generally happy, engaged and confident are, for now, huge pluses in this journey. Watching him develop his emotional awareness and resilience is a reminder of how fast his childhood is passing but also the foundation of skills for adulthood. It also allows me to see that perhaps we are taking small steps towards him achieving greater independence with a renewed sense of confidence in himself.

Rosie is a partner in a City law firm with two sons aged 11 and 9. She is a single parent and works at her office in the City and at home.