Dolly's blog: Never say never...

Eleven years ago I nearly didn’t get married.

The date was set and the dress purchased, but I bottled it because he’s a soldier and that means constantly moving house.  On the brink of partnership and keen to start a family, I looked into the future and saw my career in tatters and our children in boarding school, neither of which was acceptable.  Long story short, a year later we did get married and last week our daughter started boarding school.  Hmmm.

I’m still torn about this state of affairs and find myself apologetically explaining myself whenever it comes up in conversation.  Army families get it, but the looks of pure horror I’ve had from others are a clear sign (if one were needed) that many see it as a legalised form of child abuse.  Which was pretty much my viewpoint eleven years ago when I temporarily handed back my sparkler. 

In my defence (here I go again!) she’s already notched up six house moves in her nine years, each one bringing with it a new nursery/school/friends, and there’s a pretty good chance we’ve got two more house moves to contend with just in the next two years.  She’s grown a thick skin in that time, but it’s hard comforting your crying child about saying goodbye to her old friends (again) and watching her trying to make new ones (again) as the perennial new girl.  So last week I took a deep breath as her new headmaster told parents it was “time to say goodbye” (!!!) and she was led off to start her new life.

Essentially an optimist, I have now swung into looking on the bright side.  The main point I’m clinging on to is that, fed up with the constant upheaval and an avid reader of Harry Potter, she genuinely wanted to go.  And early signs are that she’s absolutely loving it.  Five minutes after the goodbye moment I looked out the window and she was literally skipping across the playing fields and into the sunset. 

As a working parent I must also confess there are aspects of boarding that (taking the not insignificant emotion out of it) make an awful lot of sense.  The depressing reality is that on working days I don’t get home much before the kids go to bed and any after-work activity whatsoever means I don’t see them at all that day.  And take homework.  We rely heavily on a succession of au pairs, with mixed results.   Let’s just say the au pair who repeatedly sent my son to school with no socks wasn’t bothered about spelling tests either and I struggle with the guilt and unfairness of that.  At least in a boarding environment there’s an equality of arms and our quality time together will hopefully be just that.   Plus I’ve now got someone else in the front line when it comes to nits.  Hurrah!

So it’s not how I planned it - but there are I suppose some consolations.

Dolly is an employment lawyer and partner in a London firm.  Currently working four days a week, theoretically between the hours of 9 and 5 in the manner of Dolly Parton (but with less impressive hair and reduced scope for rhinestone).  Full time wife, mother of three lovely children aged three to seven and devoted dog owner.