Esther's blog: Playing the long game in the city

I recently had the delightful experience of meeting up some old friends, all women who’d worked their whole adult lives in various professions, and all with children. We turned to discussing how we’d managed to survive, even thrive in the workplace and, when I realised my blog was due imminently, I thought I'd share the fruits of our musings. Of course the list is endless, and many points are not mother/parent-specific, but here goes.

• Find two or three people within your organisation or line of business who can give unstinting support and feedback at moments of crisis. These are not necessarily obvious "sponsors" in the eyes of third parties, but provide a safe haven when difficult circumstances arise. The support can be two-way in that the same person will sometimes ask for your input into their life.

• Never fall out with people unless you can't avoid it. If you put someone's back up against a wall they will almost certainly bite, and that can lead to painful or unpredictable consequences for you both.

• Nobody is ever too junior to be kind to. That post room colleague who comes to your room each day may one day save your bacon when an important document goes astray.

• Try to behave graciously in the face of provocation.  It usually pays in the end to keep to the moral high ground.  But know when it is important to have a strategic tantrum.

• Know where to draw the line.  In the face of client or internal demands, protect the staff working for you.  They will repay you threefold, but do it anyway as a matter of principle

• Be very organised, including make time to network.

• Be quietly firm about your parental responsibilities; when senior, encourage your junior colleagues to be open about theirs.

• Delegate wherever possible, provided you can be sure quality is not going to be compromised. Know when it is fine for something to be "good enough" rather than perfect.

• Be trustworthy and never break a confidence.  Imagine that everything you say about someone could be repeated to them and ask whether you would stand by it.

• Learn the art of strategic gossip, particularly with your inner circle of supporters.

• Pick your battles but know when to stop fighting the losing ones.  Avoid being labelled “shrill”, or challenge it.

• Think twice before committing controversial matters to an email.  Consider where it might end up.

• The more senior you are the shorter your emails should become.

• Silence can be as expressive as speech.

Esther is on the Citymothers committee; after a quarter century journey progressing from associate lawyer to partner at a magic circle firm, she now occupies herself with a range of interests including freelance coaching/mentoring, music and not for profit initiatives.