James's blog: Transferable Skills

Reading back through my most recent blogs, I fear that signs of self pity are beginning to show.  Recent world events have, however, made me reflect on how lucky I really am.  I have a beautiful wife and an amazing daughter.  I have a very supportive family.  I have a well paid, interesting job, which allows me to pay my bills each month with minimum worry.  And my employers allow me to work a four day week, which allows me to spend some quality one-on-one time with my daughter each week.  True, the arrangements don’t always work smoothly.  And yes, it sometimes feels like a struggle.  But overall I have much to be thankful for.

So for today’s blog, I thought I would take a break from bemoaning those things in my life which aren’t working and that I would like to change, and reflect on some of the wonderful things I'm learning as a parent.

My job involves a lot of negotiating.  When I get home on an evening, the negotiating continues when my wife and I try to divvy up the housework according to whose schedule has the most flex.  And on my day off, further negotiating ensues whenever I ask my daughter to do anything, no matter how small.  My daughter may only be 2 years old, but she is a master negotiator with skills I can only aspire to.  The following are some of the negotiating tips I have learned from her:

1.  If your opponent is asking you to do something that you really don’t want to do, try ignoring them.  I know that my daughter’s vision and hearing are impeccable…when she wants them to be.  But she also possesses a remarkable ability to completely blank me when I’m right in her face telling her to do something.

2.  If you let your guard down and do acknowledge your opponent, raise your voice in order to get your own way.  Commentary also helps: “I’m shouting at you”.

3.  Continually increase your demands, even if requesting things that you don’t want or need, allowing you to drop the additional demands in return for achieving your key objectives.  Daughter: “I want to take two dollies to the park.”  Me: “I’m going to be the one who ends up carrying them, so let’s just take one.”  Daughter: “I also want to take Peppa to the park”.  Me, falling into her trap: “You can either take Peppa or the dollies to the park.”  Daughter: “I’ll bring the two dollies.”

4.  If things aren’t going as planned, insist on speaking to someone with greater authority in the hope that they will accede to your demands: “I want Mummy.”

5.  If all else fails, try crying or running to a different room and hiding.

James is in his early 30s and father to a beautiful two year old girl.  He now works four days a week at a City law firm, spending the fifth day of the week colouring, playing dolls with, and looking after, his daughter