Tom's Blog: Connecting with our children's lives

When a City law firm came up with a list of its defining values, 'connecting' was one of the top results. That got me wondering whether I put us much effort into finding out about the lives my children lead while I'm not there as I do learning about my clients and their businesses. Here are my top tips for 'connecting' with our children's lives:

1. Do the school run. Ok, I'm lucky enough to work at home one day a week, which makes this easy for me, but I recommend it very highly as a way to get a glimpse of the kids' life at school. You soon find out what they're looking forward to and it's a reassuring way to see how settled they are: I'm lucky if I get so much as a wave over the shoulder from my eldest these days if we get to the gate at the same time as his best friend Frank.

2.  Become a school governor. A big commitment this, so not for everyone, but it is a valuable way to find out what really goes on behind the school gates and to contribute to decisions about the physical environment where my son spends a good chunk of his day.

3. Something a bit easier? Last thing at night I sometimes make a word with foam letters and leave them jumbled up in the bath. At bath time the next day the kids try to put the letters back together and they tell me the next morning what the word was. A bit of fun, but also good spelling practice (and not just for the kids....).

4. Connecting works both ways, so why not bring the kids to work so they can visualise where you spend so much of your time?

5. Another easy win: Make the kids packed lunches for the next day and include occasional little treats.

6. Give them a project. My favourite is asking them to check on something in the garden which I know is about to flower/ripen (being able to afford a garden is one advantage of living in Essex). Right now I get regular updates from my boys on exactly what shade of purple the blackcurrants are (and on how many their baby sister has picked while they were still green).

There's one obvious omission from this list: Phoning home to say good night. I know I should do it more but I find it more depressing than uplifting. It just reminds me that I'm not there to tuck them up in person, which is something no amount of foam letters will fix.

Tom is a senior associate in a magic circle law firm. He is married with three children, and works fulltime with one day per week spent working at home